I picked up my glasses today. It's amazing what I've been missing out on. I feel like I look good in them but only with my hair up? Also my dad has covid tested positive this morning, but his boss said it was ok for him to go back to work tomorrow because he hasn't had symptoms since Saturday (when he said he didn't have covid). I'm sure he's going to be fine. I tested negative which is odd because on Christmas day we shared dishes and food and stuff. Guess it's just me having a younger and better immune system. My mom didn't get tested yet, she's going to later today. We have at home kits. I think she'll be negative because when I have nightmares we literally sleep in the same bed (weird, I know, but it's what keeps me from killing myself) and if I don't have it I doubt she does. At this point it doesn't even seem like a real, deadly pandemic. More like a phase everyone just goes through and some don't make it out. Like being emo/scene/goth/whatever the **** they're calling it these days.

I feel like I just did a line of coke, but not in a good way. Like a too much coffee way though I didn't even have tea or chocolate or anything with any amount of caffeine in it. ******mit I am going manic/mixed and if I am hospitalized for it, it will not be the hospital I went to last year. I called the crisis line for the agitation earlier. I was ready to scream so I went for a walk and tried calling a "friend" (y'all regz know who I mean) but when that "friend" didn't pick up I called the crisis line and they talked to me until I got home so I didn't jump in front of any trucks (and boy was I tempted to).

I will try to keep swimming but I'm worried I'm losing my impulse control based on how I was driving (I did 70 in a 40 near a police station like a total badass but now I'm like what the **** was I thinking?) and just generally the things I've been doing lately. I feel like one being that is the universe but more in a DID way where sometimes God comes out and plays and sometimes Satan or his demons come out and play (more the latter).