Hello all, I'm new to the site however not new to psych central. I viewed it in the past but never made an account. I am bipolar 2, severe- moderate generalized anxiety disorder, & clinical depression. I own a landscape & snow removal business.

I'm in Michigan and it's currently winter here and my bipolar depression is always much much worse during winter months. However, last year over the winter I didn't have this bad of lows.

To give a little rundown of the mental health side I've had bipolar since I was younger I think like 15 years old. Back in my adolescent years I was medicated hated feeling like a zombie from seroquel took it for 2 years and stopped abruptly (don't recommend).

I am 27 now and getting back on medicine is extremely difficult as I am very medicine sensitive. I went from 17 years old until now not medicated other than being prescribed anti anxiety medicine on and off for a few years. I self medicated with medical marijuana up until 2 months ago as that just made my panic attacks much worse out of the blue and helped all the way up until recent. Anxiety medicine doesn't provide much help anymore as it's only taken at night 0.5mg clonazapam.

I am in therapy once to twice a week with a psychologist who I've seen on and off since 2015. I finally have had enough of the rapid cycling to get into psychiatry again. Friday I'm doing that genesight test in hopes of finding a better regimen of medicine. Because I'm severely depressed not suicidal though.

I've already had one consult with psychiatry and they want me to try 20mg latuda however I've been really wishy washy with it because I hated how antipsychotics made felt in the past and with my anxiety made me Google the reviews so I'm now more skeptical of it.

It was stressful enough to just take the anxiety medicine since I worry about everything. I do have a rare diagnosed auto immune disorder that contributed to a lot of my health anxiety on top of the GAD. Hospitalization isn't an option right now for me as I have contracts with my snow removal that I have to fulfill or else I will get sued.

I apologize in advance for bouncing between everything and making a long first post. With the stress of the business, financial issues, the depression I definitely needed to seek help. It's just finding what is gonna work, the side effects I'm willing to handle, and not feel like a zombie.
I've read a lot on here and I'm a little more optimistic hearing success stories.

I'm tired of feeling demotivated, don't want to get out of bed, things with my business I need to work on and have no motivation to do. Having constant panic attacks regardless of taking my night time medication or not. I just want to be happy and smile again and get rid of feeling constantly pessimistic.

Thank you to those who read and reply!