I'm doing good today. My stomach issues seemed to have been constipation and my anxiety seems to be ok today after getting my shot yesterday. I'm still not sure getting my shot every 1.5 weeks is good or if I should go back to every week. But I'll talk to my doctor about it when I see him in March.

I had a remote therapy appointment today. I griped for a few minutes about not being in the office today. Then we got really deep. I don't remember how but the conversation of course turned to my transfrence T. I really spilled my guts about her this time. My therapist asked if I ever did any of the same things that she did. And I admitted that I ate pizza Goldfish crackers because they were her favorite and I mentioned the candy I eat that reminds me of her. After talking about my past a bit she seems to think I have an obsession with authority figures because I never got any discipline at home and I got away with a lot. Which is true and something I've often thought of. My parents never grounded me for anything I did.

We both admitted my behavior and obsession is a bit creepy. I told her not to think less of me and she told me she doesnt. She said she was pushing me today but I didnt feel like she was. I felt like I was just being really honest because I trust her more then I've trusted a lot of other therapists including my transference T. I've never in my life told anyone I eat the same foods of the people I like. I told her I wasn't even sure if I even liked the candy or not. She told me she never heard me mention the taste or anything. Just that I ate it because it reminded me of her. I also told her I prefer tomato flavored Goldfish over pizza.

I guess if she's pushing me she's doing it correctly if I'm not getting worked up. I've had therapists push me to the point of making me angry and still not back down after.

Now my stomach ache and nausea and loss of appetite came back. After I think 9 rounds of explosive diarrhiea yesterday, I think I can rule out constipation as a cause.