Dear T,
Was doing a bit of the dancing thing tonight (hey, physical activity!), and one of the songs that came on was The National's "Nobody Else Will Be There." Which seemed like a good cool-down song. But the lines of "Good-byes always take us half an hour--why can't we just go home? Nobody else will be there." They just really hit me tonight. Because "home" in my head is like your office. And I'm bad at saying good-bye to you on Zoom (OK, I was bad at saying good-bye in person, too). And, well, when we're meeting in your office, nobody else is there, but over Zoom, generally at least H is home and D today, too. It just made me a bit sad.

At least when I was talking today about reasons to look toward March, when I said how at least maybe you and I could meet outside on occasion then, with it being warmer, you said that you could see resuming regular in person then, assuming this surge peaks and starts going down soon. So that's maybe something? I'm glad you seemed to understand how I need things to hold onto, how it can be better for me to have that for a couple months (whether a concert, meeting in person, etc.), even if it's eventually dashed, than to have not had it at all. The days or weeks or months of having it to me tend to hold more weight than the time when the hopes may be dashed.

I mean, isn't that how hope works in general? Anything one hopes for might not come to fruition. So is it better not to hope at all? Perhaps you believe that, but I don't. I feel like when all hope is lost, what is there?

Love,
LT