I'm really sorry I lied when i posted that msg BUT that is the ONLY time ive ever lied here my mom is far from ok i cant deal with it ive fallen apart my family can t deal with me and her at the same time she takes priority i'm left alone i cant cope with this and with no cat either im a complete mess and by myself between this and no cat i'm lost i dont know what to do ive become totally unglued i have no coping skills for either situation alone let alone them both together i feel so alone and isolated and forgotten theres nobody left to help pick up my pieces cat promised hed email he hasnt i dont understand he posted here but doesnt email me im so confused i dont knwo what to think anymore theres nobody left for me my family is dealing with my mom as well they should but what about me im lost im alone all alone i cant handle everything its too much for me ive been abandoned again just when i need it the most im abandoned my history repeats itself it always will i cant deal with any of this i dont know how to cope im sorry i lied im really sorry i was/am just too overwraught with emotional pain ive come totally unglued and theres nobody left for me im so worried about my mom about cat about cat and myself about whats going to happen to me im not functioning at all not at all crisis lines dont work ive tried tht several times bfore the hospital is too scary a place i cant go there again i just keep taking xanax so i dont have to feel all this pain so much incredible pain i dont even know if anybody believes anything i even say anymore i dont know what i did to earn that distrust but i have it anyway ive been totally abandoned my fortress walls are now higher and stronger tha ever i wont let anybody in it hurst way too much way too much and my family is mad at me for not being able to pull it together im so sorry i lied im so sorry i just couldnt cope i still cant cope im lost totally alost and totally alone without cat i cant stand to lose cat its breaking my heart all this is breaking my heart its shattered right now the hospital was too traumatic for me i couldnt deal im useless and worthless and unwanted unloved and a burden im always a burden im so sorry for everything ive done to everybody here to cat to my family im taking more axanax and going back to bed again its the only thing i know how to cope im so very sorry very veery sorry to everybody i love you cat i need you i want you i dont want to lose you im sorry i did something wrng to you i dont know what but im srry. im goin to bed now