(((( @downandlonely )))) - survivor's guilt is real, and now the new DSM will probably also have prolonged grief disorder among their list of mental disorders for insurance providers to code, diagnose, and treat.

I've had a Catholic upbringing as well. I feel survivor's guilt all the time - though it's better some days than others. It's hard to deal with that guilt when there aren't many therapists to treat complicated, complex grief let alone prolonged grief (a relatively new disorder, even though NOT a new phenomenon).

Social support - the kind that isn't toxic, pushy, or invalidating - truly helps those who are grieving over losses.

I lost a friend to Covid. I knew him for over 20 years. He died before vaccines were invented. I didn't do enough to engage with him. He also didn't believe in masks or social distancing, so that contributed to his death. He left behind a now widowed wife, who survived.

I sometimes feel like I could have said or did something to change the outcome, but such is what survivor's guilt does - think and ruminate about all the ifs. There's no concrete answer - if integrity even has a role - to say whether or not the outcome could have changed. The best we can do is to be honest with our grief, be grateful to the life we still have, and make improvements as we move forward in life. That's all we really can do.

From your experience, it sounds like even if you had hope in her surviving, she still probably would not have survived. It wasn't your fault, though sometimes our survivor's guilt will emphasize that it was. There are times when people's actions could have changed the outcome, but in your case, it is unlikely that anything you said, did, or believed would have changed that outcome. It's sad facing that reality because it brings us to this vulnerable place, this powerless place we would rather not go - especially when grieving.

I'm so sorry for your loss. (((hug)))