I still love you and I still miss you. You/therapy with you were such a big part of who I am right now that everything I do, everywhere I go, everyone I talk to, everything I am reminds me of you. I have changed more than I ever knew it possible for one person to change (or at least be uncovered) but with that comes this ever constant reminder of you and the work we did. I must think of you over 10 times a day on a good day and over 50 on a more reflective day. That isn't conducive to me being able to move on.

Half the problem is, I don't want to move on. I want to stay right where we were.

I know I can't. I know that this is something that is out of my hands and it is my choice, I guess, how to live my life going forwards. Maybe I need this extended and difficult period of grief... To remind myself just how much we achieved. To remind myself just how far I have come. To remind myself how deeply I am now able to feel.

Maybe this is all still 'part of the process', that phrase you loved so much. It really annoyed me at the beginning, you know, but by the end I had come to understand, to see, to realise and to believe in it too.

I just wish I could reach out and have you take my hand again. I wish I could rest my weary head on your shoulder and feel your love, your care, your compassion.