I was dealing with HEAVY dissociative imagination/ADD and autism as a kid (To the point where even other kids thought I was "weird" - Because I'd create multiple different realities in my head).

All of my individuality was suppressed in catholic school and then by my moms ex. I gave up - I needed hope. I was in extreme isolation with just my own mind. I avoided talking to anyone as well because I was so stubborn - But I was still somewhat smart.

I developed obsessions about yin yang (And all of the many names for that), then I got paranoia and voices caused by stress. Then I couldn't distinguish between my imagination and reality.

I was put on meds, went on a manic drug/sex spree, overdosed, became hospitalized many times and then overdosed on a psychedelic. Over the past 5 years, I had DP/DR panic attacks BUT, I reset my brain and started learning,

THEN - the virus was released, I started learning about corruption and conspiracies - Now even "reality" is losing touch with itself, the devision and evil..

I've been through like every extreme state of consciousness.. I want to live.. All suicidal people want to live - Maybe just not in this particular reality (My reality).

IMO, I could die tomorrow in your reality - But I could still be living in mine (And vice versa). The multiverse is tempting to me.

We're not supposed to ever know if there's an afterlife because that's what makes life so beautiful - But there's always hints - That moving up the consciousness ladder happens + Hardships of shattered hope that will always send a soul to hell - Through temptation? Idk.. I've never read a religious book... I've been always creating my own religion in my head - That's what I've always thought.