You're probably not ready to leave him, as you invested so much in staying the course of the relationship, but it's really time to divorce. There's no real future for either of you together, and perhaps your husband is trying to say it in indirect ways. If your husband lies and hides and isn't straightforward, it is unlikely he would be straightforward with wanting a divorce outright. Instead, it seems like he's kind of still hiding behind his desires to get a divorce, which he clearly stated that he wants or at least is considering. It would be a tough break and a lot to lose, given all the time and effort you spent. But you can't change him or fix him or wait for him to get fixed. If he's just not there for you in that partnership you both agreed to with your wedding vows, then the marriage is just not there anymore.

Perhaps discuss this more with your therapist, and try to hire a good divorce attorney.

Make new friends, and take time to grieve with loved ones and your therapist.

Start making steps toward divorce, such as discussing who gets what with the assets you both share, and figure out ways for you to separate - either by him moving out or you moving out. It would be easier to transition to divorce that way.