Dear New T,

I may have just figured during out. At the beginning, and all the time I didn't think you were the person I would do this work with, I felt I could connect with you. I felt good coming to see you. Ever since I decided to come back after seeing the other lady for a couple of months, things have been different and I've been struggling to work out why. I'm wondering now whether that's because there is a possibility that we might have to go there, and so I am shutting down emotionally, even more than normal.

Thing is, I still don't think I want to see you long term. I don't think you are the right person, but yet the other lady isn't entirely right either. I still do feel like I need both of you for different reasons, and I am seriously tempted to have that conversation with you... Properly.

I've written an email to Old T, I wish I could speak to her. I wish she could help me figure this out. She says she would. She said she cared a lot about me. She said she wanted to try and help me find someone. I haven't spoken to her for about six months now, but it feels like it's about time to reach out and see if she can throw some light on this.