Every day I've cried more then once. Every day I have broken down into an uncontrollable state.

I am not on medication right now.

I don't even know if I am bipolar anymore. I do not ever remember being this bad.

I was diagnosed as bipolar, anxiety and they said I may have a.d.d.

Either way I think I was diagnosed as the one which has high ups and low downs. I do not even know if that can be said is true... For the past year I've fallen deeper and deeper into a depressed state. I rarely will be "extremely" happy. I rarely am happy. I constantly feel alone, afraid and many other emotions.

I have so much to write but I don't know where to begin and do not know what would be "too much" to write.

I am not on medication because I didn't like taking 12 pills or more a day and 6 different types of medication at all hours of the day. I really don't want to live that way. If it was one or two pills I'd feel better. I feel it's ridiculous the amount they wanted me to take.

I'm pregnant at the moment. I am 4 months. I am alone. The guy I was involved with was "poly" - Sleeps with multiple women and has relationships with multiple people. I am 100% monogamous... That whole situation is messy. Trying to talk to him usually results in fights.

Any time I tried to be with a "nice" guy I got rejected. I have always had problems with having anyone want to be with me in a relationship or long term even though I am 100% monogamous in relationships. Any guys who actually did like me and told me recently stopped talking to me and said they were no longer interested when they found out I was pregnant. I heard about half of them tell me to go have an abortion and then we can go out...

I used to sleep around alot when I was younger with multiple people. I did to be liked. I never did it because I enjoyed it because I don't think I ever did enjoy it. I usually felt worst after I did it.

I constantly am getting suicidal thoughts all the time. I know I am pregnant and I want the baby to live. I just keep hoping I could die and it could live. I keep hoping that when it's born I can go die. I want to raise the kid but with everything in my life I've failed at. And I wouldn't want to fail my own kid.

I have not lived at home since I was 15. I was beat up and made fun of my whole school life. I had death threats on me and my family. I've been running away all that time from everything. I just moved home (I am 23) because I found out I was pregnant.

I have been used for money. I trust the wrong people and lent out money...

I went to school for things to make others happy and quit.

I'm in debt.

I've been told I've always been like this my whole life. Even as a child I was "off". I apparently had temper tantrums all the time. Apparently I also cried all the time. I was very sensitive and hated change. I've just had enough to be honest.

I have daydreams of waking up and discovering my whole life was a dream or that I have been reincarnated into another life.

I really do like myself because I am extremely honest and nice. But I find it's my downfall too.

I have no motivation to do anything. I barely talk to anyone anymore except a few people online. I don't know how to make friends anymore or how to maintain them except the few I have right now.

I have appointments set up with mental health, one to help with debt, and everything else.

I feel like a failure especially to my family.

I really wish I could of been born normal.

I don't even know if I am bipolar... It seems like something else or maybe I have more things wrong with me.