That IS how it all works. What is the alternative? That you would be lacking that healing forever? Stop it? Get over it? If only we could. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree / child.

To me it was simple math. I lacked something, he added it. Now im whole. Some people dont lack as much, they can function truthfully, decisively, and as themselves in adulthood.

Ts provide it, we pay for it. As Freud said, yes a friend could do it, but where would you find such a friend? That to me is one of the deeper and more feminist things he said.

Eta - your post was so clear and so beautiful, it inspired me to respond.