not happening AngelGirl, This is a lot to deal with on your own and your feeling isolated to boot. I don't see what you did as a lie but it was your way to say to yourself everything is ok and basically a way to deal with it. Maybe put it on a shelf to deal with later. You need to come talk to us. I know you have many friends on here and Im sure one would talk to you one on one or as a group. Also talk to your T. Im sorry you are going through all of this. Hope you will be ok
Peg