I held in all my anxiety and rage and trauma. It had had a bad impact on my body. I didn’t even care what I had been doing to myself. Or what to do to stop it. It almost seems like I’ve got ptsd or some kind of horrible anxiety disorder. Well, I have too many enemies let’s put it that way. I was too sheltered growing up and the real world hit me pretty hard. And it’s not like it’s ever going to go away. I don’t have a very supportive family. I’m kind of a black sheep. I’ve tried medication. Since I was diagnosed with schizophrenia I was prescribed antipsychotic meds. The side effects got to me and so I went off the medication. But then reality got to me and I started having horrible anxiety attracts and episodes of rage at the same time and I bottle it up. Sometimes I take loranzapam. Sometimes I do breathing exercises. My psychiatrist prescribed me abilify. I have yet to take it. I keep putting it off afraid of what the side effects would be. Which I’m starting to think is stupid. I have a therapist appointment coming up but really I just want the world to go away and leave me alone.