I would really like some help on this.

Is it possible I am just incompatible with standard therapy?

Because the way I view things and the gut feeling I have is that if I dropped emotional detachment and anger and instead tried to just make myself feel depressed and weak and low and lonely and to try to think all those irrational negative automatic thoughts and idk, all those kinds of things, it would make me LESS functional in life. It would lower my self-esteem and would make me weaker and give up on things. Rather than come at it from a place of strength and help me heal and become more functional.

The things I have been told by various therapists:

- I have a wall (?? I have no idea what they mean by this)
- Maybe I have dismissive avoidant attachment style so I can't receive help (?? I've been trying to get help for years)
- I need to learn how to have safety about difficult strong emotions, feelings
- I need to learn how to be vulnerable and when and with whom to be vulnerable with

And then I don't even understand what safety or vulnerability means. I don't understand how a bubble bath will help me or what I should need to self-soothe about. Can I not be emotionally open from a place of strength rather than defenselessly and helplessly vulnerable?

It all feels like an alien world, all the talk of a safe place, self-care, self-soothing, vulnerability, feeling depressed helpless anxious etc.

What does that mean and what do I do with all of this?

Is there a therapy where the therapist helps you not dig so deep that you get very low and nonfunctional or extremely detached going deep in the Detached Protector (Schema therapy concept). Or where the therapist accepts your anger, while you're not attacking the therapist with the anger, of course.

I would just like some place where I would be "hypnotised" enough so I can just vomit out horrible emotions and "images" and then not even remember having felt them and having vomited them out.

Like a therapist who's someone who makes the mood good around and then hypnotises me and then it's ALL ACCEPTING NO JUDGMENT of the emotion vomit and images vomit and of my anger and everything and anything.

Is there such a thing? Or anything remotely similar?