So, the vet called back. Turns out they did do a thyroid test and diabetes. Negative. She told me at this point I’m going to have to take him to a specialist.

We’re getting into financially impossible areas here. A consult is $250. I’m kind of steeling myself at this point for the inevitable; that there really is nothing to be done. I’m going to take him for a consult, and I’m going to tell them to give it to me straight. Is it worth spending thousands in testing to find out it’s too late anyway? Even if they can find something, is it so rare that it’s untreatable or financially impossible to treat in the long term? I just need to hear someone say what I believe now is true. Only then can I make my peace with letting him go.

There’s a vet hospital near where I work. I’m going to call tomorrow and see if I can get an early morning appointment so I can drop him off and go to work. I don’t know if they’ll hold on to him all day but I’ll pay extra, I can’t miss work or leave early again.

I haven’t taken vraylar in two days and my stomach pain and nausea are much better, which is a blessing and a curse because I’m physically better so it’s likely the med that cause the issues, but my mood is out of control already. However I am close to that time of the month and I have a lot of stress with my cat so it’s hard to say. I was rocketing around from elevation to depression to intense anger back to depression and who knows what else. I got stuck in a loop in my head focused on my last hospitalization and what I feel I should have done differently(nothing good, by the way). I had to shake my head because I was driving totally spaced out. I got myself back when I realized I was about to turn onto the on ramp for the highway. Took some deep breaths and tried not to grip the steering wheel so hard and drive like a jerk.

Sigh. Tomorrow is another day. Boring as all hell again. I’m glad the students are definitely coming back Tuesday, I can’t take it anymore.