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Rose76
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Rose76 Treading water.
 
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Default Jan 14, 2022 at 08:51 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovethesun View Post
Divine....thanks for your input. My anger comes from the fact that my brother, himself, has always placed a lot of emphasis on family gatherings. For example, we all recently got together at a restaurant for a pre-Christmas family lunch. Both my husband and my sister's husband were not able to attend but the rest of us all did. My brother was mad that our husbands were not there. They had a valid reason, work travel. But my brother took it personally saying "I guess I'm not good enough for them." I thought that was ridiculous! But then we remembered that my brother has always had a high expectation for attendance to family events. So when I got his rejection to my invitation to my daughter's HS graduation celebration (which I was sure he would attend) I was stunned and yes, Angry!!! I felt like, don't hold us to a high bar, then lower it for your self. And he's known for well over a year that my daughter was a senior in HS. He's asked where she wants to go to college. So why did the thought not enter his mind about us having a graduation party?? He should have known better! And as I said previously, I've been at every one of his child's events. He'll probably never see my child again after HS graduation as kids begin their adult lives so the graduation family get together is even more important in that regard. But hey, that's fine. I'll let it go. I won't forget though. People show you how to treat them. I'll be placing much less importance on his events from here on out. As he showed me!
I think getting together with sibs for a pre-Christmas lunch is a lovely idea. Your brother was a real spoil-sport to start fussing over two brother-in-laws not being there. He was being ingracious and petty. Personally, I relish opportunities to be with my sibs without their spouses tagging along. I figure they didn't choose me for a relative, and I didn't choose them.

Here's the standard I hold my brother-in-law to. If, when I knock on their door, he lets me in . . . and I don't see bruises on my sister's face . . . and my nephews/nieces look well fed, then that BIL has met all my expectations. Anything beyond that is gravy: nice, but not required.

I can see how your brother's odd combination of expectations and reciprocations can have you confused. You don't have to operate on his level. As you say, perhaps the bar has been lowered. Do what feels rewarding to you. Assume he'll do the same. Everyone's free to do as they like.

I felt very close to my 3 siblings growing up and assumed we always would be. As adults, no two of us live in the same state. There have been years when I wondered if they even cared if I was alive. Recently - now that their kids are all adults - we have grown much closer. In life, relationships can wax and wane. I've learned to just roll with the flow.
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Thanks for this!
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