Sounds like you really want out. You could be reacting out of frustration.
There’s a lot of details I don’t know about so it’s hard to comment.
Its obvious though that you are unhappy and seemingly unable to
communicate your feelings in an adult way that doesn’t entail “ knee jerk
reactions”. You could probably use some kind of intervention. Therapy ?
Solo or couples ? All I know is that in the end if you don’t take care of yourself ,
or find a way to , your going to be miserable.
Wishing you the best…..