(Ramble, continued)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera1
The things I have been told by various therapists:
- I have a wall (?? I have no idea what they mean by this)
- Maybe I have dismissive avoidant attachment style so I can't receive help (?? I've been trying to get help for years)
- I need to learn how to have safety about difficult strong emotions, feelings
- I need to learn how to be vulnerable and when and with whom to be vulnerable with
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It sounds from here as if
where the idea that you have a wall is located, is not in your own experience. I guess it could conceivably be located in your therapists' experience of you, but it sounds just as likely that it's part of a story about you that they've been telling themselves and each other -- for therapeutic purposes, of
course -- something like this:
---------- Entering FooZe's fantasy. ----------
Please watch your step.
1st Therapist: 
I've said all the right things but she's not responding the way she's supposed to. It's as if there were a wall between us or something!
2nd Therapist: Yeah, some clients are like that -- so well defended that you can't do a thing with them. It's not your fault. Just tell her you can't work with her if she won't open up and become more vulnerable.
---------- Leaving FooZe's fantasy. ----------
Please watch your step.
I also don't know how much Paul Simon was speaking for himself here as opposed to portraying a "don't-be-like-this" character as a cautionary tale for his audience:
Quote:
I’ve built walls
A fortress, steep and mighty
That none may penetrate ...
(I Am a Rock, c. 1966)
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To pick up a previous thread for a moment:
Quote:
Originally Posted by FooZe
... what situations (external or internal) I should or shouldn't subject myself to because of the effects I could reasonably expect those situations to have on me.
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When I was in my teens I was worried about what relationships (with girls) I should or shouldn't subject myself to. If I found someone I liked and I was able to approach her confidently and warmly, I figured I'd obviously be better prepared to win her heart (or at least her interest) than if I hung back defensively. And of course, having "won" once, I'd feel that much better prepared going into subsequent encounters. However (and here's the rub): if I chose the wrong person, or approached her wrong and she happened to reject me, I'd be burdened with the hurt feelings from that encounter going into the next one, and the next one, and the next.
It took me quite a few years to discover that I could approach someone just because
I was choosing to, not because I could tally up more good reasons to, than not to; and that if she happened to reject me
and I was satisfied that I was there by my own choice and had done the best I could, it would feel to me like a win, not a loss.