I wish I knew why the thought of you in that - erm - situation bothers me so much. Is it simply because of my feelings, even though I don't THINK I'd want anything to happen in THAT way with you? Or is it because I'm lonely and because of my limitations I'm not sure that much is going to change. Whatever the reason, it hurts, and I'm too scared and embarrassed to tell you because I don't want to know about it, truly I don't. I'm too paranoid to even discuss my own feelings about it. But at the same time I can't sit up all night crying either. What is wrong with me? I'm not even gay ffs.