@lovethesun I just read through all the thread, and like many others, I was perplexed at the intensity of your anger at your brother UNTIL you let us in on the recent holiday lunch where your brother stated an expectation that seems to be a double standard. Considering his comments, I can understand how you would be upset that he isn't coming, but I would guess to say that the intensity of your anger comes from the double standard he presents, not his actual absence. He expects you and your husband to drop everything and prioritize family events that he plans, but he does not have to change anything to accommodate the events you plan. And, while your anger is justified either way because how you feel is how you feel, I think all of us can relate to feeling that anger from a double standard.

And I can totally relate because my brother plays these double standard games all the time too, which is just one reason why I no longer have a relationship with him.

I agree with others who said don't let his attitude spoil your day or your daughter's day. The people who really care will be there. And that's who you really want there anyhow.