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Human
Member Since Apr 2014
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Posts: 8,346
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Jan 17, 2022 at 09:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovethesun
BINGO! You hit the nail on the head seesaw! It's the double standard!! I'll go so far as to say that I've been afraid to not attend an event my brother plans because I know he'd get mad. And that's just birthday parties and random summer time cookouts. Imagine if it were his daughter graduating high school.....he'd expect everyone including the Pope to be there! Yet he can be so dismissive and say "sorry, we have a beach house booked". Then he's changed the subject and has sent communications since this acting like none of this is an issue. Grrrrr.......
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I suspect your FOO has a lot of bad habits like mine does: sending mixed messages about how close we are, really toxic behaviors. LIKE when it suits them, acting like we're close and we should help each other/be there for each other (conveniently it is when THEY need OUR help), and then when it doesn't suit them acting like you're not close. It's very confusing for me because my family has this habit of ACTING like we're close - like you're supposed to go to these events no matter what - but when you actually need support or help, no one is around. It's just about making it LOOK like we're a close family, not actually BEING a close family.
Anyways, didn't mean to project my baggage on you, lol. I think you were right with your initial response: you have to just learn not to expect anything from him. AND I hope along with that you will not let his attitude or comments make you feel bad about anything you or your family need to do rather than make appearances at these events.
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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?
Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.
Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien
Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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