Ever have one of those days where you know you are going to end up being a jackass and despite you best efforts not to be... you still end up being one anyway?

This week Sunrise posted about her experience with her new PNP. I have been wining over the past year about the quality of my ADHD treatment. So today I had a follow-up with my family physician. I've only been with this guy for 8 months, but he is an excellent GP and is genuinely interested in serving his patients. When I asked about being evaluated for possible ADHD, he did not feel he had the appropriate background to treat me so he referred me to a neurologist in his practice. Even though he referred me he still inquires about how my treatment is going, even politely asks me how therapy is going and if there is anything else that he might be able to help me with. All around nice competent caring doctor.

During today's appointment he asks.. "So how are your ADHD symptoms, is the medication still working for you, do you have any concerns?" My response: "OK I guess, It's not a cure all, Nope I'm doing well."


Here is another thing I did today during the appointment. I've lost a lot of weight this year. My H is getting on me because he says I am not eating and exercising too much. I know this is not true. I am eating appropriately and I am not over doing it with the exercise. My weight loss has been very gradual and deliberate. He is just using this as another one of his psychological attacks on me. Even though I am aware of what he is doing my head starts to crank out doubts... Am I doing too much, do I really have ADHD or am I just wanting to misuse a stimulant, ????? When I get to the doctors office, the nurse takes me back to the room and stops briefly at the scale, then changes her mind, leads me past the scale saying.. "You don't need to do that." I walked right by that scale knowing damn well having my GP assess and render my weight loss acceptable would have made me feel more confident about how I am progressing. GP: "How is your exercising and weight loss going?" Me: "Fine, slow and steady."

I have so many questions yet when given the opportunity to ask them and get answers, I don’t. Instead I remain aloof, withhold information, dismiss my concerns and act like everything is great. I don't get it.

Why am I still a jackass? I'm only hurting myself. It is not because I am unaware. Its not because I don't TRUST him. I simply don't open my mouth and say what is bothering me.