It's been ten years since my divorce was final. This morning, I wrote down some of my feelings. Can anyone relate? I'm new. If I'm not using the right format, etc., just let me know.
He controlled me. Our finances were kept secret from one another. He wanted separate accounts. I wanted at least one mutual account to pay bills. That request was ignored as were my feelings, my ideas, and my thoughts….unless, of course, he wanted sex. It was the only time I felt close to him.

He stayed up late every night sitting in front of the computer and was wide awake until about 3 a.m. when he would crawl into bed and hold me tight. When he came into the bedroom, he would throw his heavy shoe on the floor. When I awoke, it was always earlier than him. I was told to tiptoe so he would not awaken. I was getting ready for work and could not turn the lights on to get ready. No lights, not even the closet light. Eventually, I moved to the upstairs bedroom, but even then, I was told what to do and when to do it. I tried to coax him and called his name when he was going through the typical ritual of sitting in front of the computer until 3, but he never heeded my call.

He had control over everything until I finally left him for good. I got in my Honda Civic and drove to a small town in Louisiana. I listened to Jewel and put my hand in the air to feel the wind. It felt sweet. It felt free. I was free.