Rough night. I got triggered after RS and I were cuddling and had to pull away. I’d already taken my sleep med plus anxiety med but I felt trapped in the room after the light went out. I went to the living room and accidentally fell asleep there. I awoke at 2am and tried to return to the bedroom but I still felt trapped in there so I just came back out to the couch. I remember thinking around 3:45am about how tf I was supposed to make it through work today.

I had the foresight to bring the Xanax with me to work. I went in and when all the students arrived I immediately got so upset by the noise I went out to my car to take it. I stayed in the car for about ten minutes under the pretense of looking for my school keys, though I really was and it turns out I left them at home. I was trying so hard not to cry. I would have left immediately but I’m out of excuses. I’ve used my son three times now and they have changed the policy to since he’s vaccinated he can stay in school even if he’s been exposed. They would know I’m lying. If my original supervisor hadn’t “resigned” (suspicious circumstances) I could have gone to her and she would have understood but my supervisor now is a huge b**** and I’m intimidated by her.

Anyway after I took the Xanax I calmed down for about five hours and then I got super agitated again and paced behind all the desks in the back. I had to go take more to get through the rest of the day. I’m pretty tired right now. I was going to take a shower but I don’t think I can manage. It’s only day one and now that my hair is shorter I can push it with dry shampoo to two days.

I really don’t know if I’m going to bother going in tomorrow. Problem is I won’t know if I’m hypersensitive until I get there around all the noise. I’m almost out of Xanax though. I have to call and leave a message on the prescription line since I don’t see my dr for another 2 weeks. I’d call for an earlier appt but she probably won’t have a earlier evening one. And after the vaguely threatening email we all got at work I’m not inclined to request off when I don’t have the time to take. It’s easier to call out and make some **** up.