Hello there, first of all it takes a lot of strength to even stand up to the situation and put your kids and yourself first. Not to assume but she seems beyond selfish and doesn’t have you or the kids in mind when she’s being so destructive.

To use children in relationships against another parent is extremely toxic and overall hurts them in the long run, the most.

Unfortunately, sometimes addicts or people who take advantage of the ones they love like this, deserve a wake up call. You’re doing your best it sounds like and I’d say just try and be consistent, show your kids your love with actions.

In the end they’ll know that you’ve done all you can for them. For your family. Stay strong.