I understand that some would feel if their T judged an action, it would feel like they might be judging you too.

In mine and L's relationship, we try to be as honest and open as we can be...if we get hurt, then we work through it with our foundations: curiosity, compassion, understanding, empathy, etc. Never with criticism, punishment, or cruelty. We've built our foundation strong so we can do the hard work that we're doing now.

I depend on her honesty and openness. I guess transparency is a better word. I need her understanding; not judgment. And she wouldn't and doesn't judge me. I need to know that she's tracking, present, and in reality, and sometimes that requires hard truths.

Like susannahsays, I think some things are just bad actions: abuse, murder, r-word, my secret, etc. And while we my judge those actions as bad, L says she would still love me and still work with me even if I have done any of those things.