My anxiety is kinda sucky today. It was like that all night and then I drank a can of cherry Coke zero and then I got a medium Coke zero with real cream from Sonic. I waited a bit to let those pass through my system before I took my first valium. Which hasn't seemed to have done much. I still don't want to take the visteril so I'm just hanging on as much as I possibly can. I did take an extra geodon 20 last night and then I was out of the 20's and I thought I couldn't get it refilled until the 29th. I remember taking maybe 2 extras and then a 3rd capsule was broken. But I don't know what happened to the others. But I found out today that the 20 is ready to be picked up. Which is a relief that I don't have to go without that and my 3rd valium at the same time.

But today I am once again just trying to hang on. But I'm wondering at what point do I need to stop hanging on and start taking control and start doing things like going back to work. I do feel like I should hear from my doctor first to hear whats up with the blood results. Then after that see where I am at.

I had planned on going to the library today but I'm not sure. I want to get back into reading so I can do some healthy distraction but I'm not sure I feel like dealing with crowds. Although I have no idea how busy this library gets on a Sunday. I may just read the book I got for christmas and go in the morning.

Edit: I did take the second valium about an hour ago. So then I thought maybe I needed to eat but it was still awhile before my mom got the pizza home. So I drank a Sprite zero and I took my Topamax. When she got home with the pizza I took my geodon she had picked up, with water and the pizza. Now I am just headachy and cold and getting that weird fatigue thing again. Plus I'm still anxious but I am still trying to hold off on the visteriel. I don't think I am at a code 12 emergency yet.

Code 12 is something I got from the SpongeBob episode "Imitation Krabs." I've been saying it when my anxiety or physical symptoms are out of control.

I didnt get to the library, I'll go in the morning. Today I've been reading the book I got for Christmas. Its a non fiction book on haunted locations in my state and theres a pretty big inaccuarate historical fact in it. Its actually pretty big that I am sure even people not from my state would be like wtf that is not true.