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Originally Posted by Quietmind 2
I don't know if I've the right words, but I relate quite a bit. I was alexithymic, still have difficulty there.
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Thanks for your input, this is interesting.
Did you get therapy specifically targeted for alexithymic people? Or did you go to just "standard" therapy (that works for most people with the issue that has them go into therapy)?
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I couldn't go deeper until I felt emotionally safe...and feeling emotionally safe was incredibly difficult. Even topics like work, I didn't want to explore deeper.
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I don't understand what you mean by feeling emotionally safe. What was that like for you?
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My therapist respected and still respects the need to feel emotionally safe even if the client doesn't have words for it, or know that's what they need.
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Sounds like your therapist has above-average people reading skills if she was able to figure out what you needed when even you yourself didn't know.
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It took years with the same therapist because while I felt painfully empty, I was also really emotionally numb and guarded. She didn't rush me to go deep, she respected my defenses. Said tearing down defenses is irresponsible, they're there to protect. That includes emotional numbing.
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I agree that tearing down walls or other defenses is a stupid thing to do. Even the word usage, "tearing down" will just remind one of the expression "tearing down" a person and not building them up.
So defenses are there to protect, yes. Of course it's not that simple, never that simple.
So like, I don't know if being emotionally numb is necessarily always meant to be there to protect. Maybe temporarily, but if it makes one stay in the same situation without change that was making them emotionally numb in the first place, it becomes a maladaptive response. So more and more numbness to protect and more and more problems and then it's no longer protection but turns into the opposite. Is my understanding.
But it's true that you just can't tear down defenses, whether adaptive or maladaptive ones. It just doesn't work like that.
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It still is tough, although I continue to willingly go deeper to be able to achieve my goals on interpersonal relationships, and my relationship with myself and my System (I've DID).
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What are your goals with interpersonal relationships?
I'm just asking because I'm curious, as I kinda had goals about them myself.