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Originally Posted by Cardooney
A sticking point is that he is very emotional, always has been, needs a lot of support with his emotions, and has little tolerance for other’s emotions. I am quite stoic with my own emotion, rationalizing emotion frequently, so I guess the contrast allows things to work (barely).
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That makes sense too.
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If he cared, why was he then later that night criticizing my “non-efforts” that he invented I was doing? It’s like he made a box and then shoved stuff into the box whether it fits or not.
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Yeah, men's logic can try and fit the feelings into boxes like that.
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I know he cannot work much on the relationship since he has his other issues to work through, but I just want to be treated respectfully. I have very low expectations of our relationship. Lower than ever.
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Doesn't seem like he is capable of doing that currently. Which is why I suggested taking a break. Not a separation, just not talking to each other much for a while, unless maybe if it it's about something positive (or not even that).
And a separation if it doesn't get better long term, even after he fixed the addiction and got used to the new job and whatnot.
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I mentioned in expressing my “sadness” to him that I felt like I had given everything I had and didn’t have more to give, needed to regenerate. Maybe this threatened him.
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Yes, very possible this sounded threatening to him. With weak relationship skills, most guys will find negative information about the relationship status threatening, and will block it out, ignore it, or get angry, and so on. Instead of processing the communicated feeling in context and not blowing it out of proportion. And in this case, it could sound like you were talking about the relationship being very close to breaking up entirely, even if all you meant is that you need a little rest before you two can do things together again. Maybe best not to mention that you gave all you had and that you're not able to give more now as that is the threatening emotional information, just say that you are physically tired and need relaxation.
Just my suggestions. Good luck either way!