Quote:
Originally Posted by Etcetera1
That makes sense too.
Yeah, men's logic can try and fit the feelings into boxes like that.
Doesn't seem like he is capable of doing that currently. Which is why I suggested taking a break. Not a separation, just not talking to each other much for a while, unless maybe if it it's about something positive (or not even that).
And a separation if it doesn't get better long term, even after he fixed the addiction and got used to the new job and whatnot.
Yes, very possible this sounded threatening to him. With weak relationship skills, most guys will find negative information about the relationship status threatening, and will block it out, ignore it, or get angry, and so on. Instead of processing the communicated feeling in context and not blowing it out of proportion. And in this case, it could sound like you were talking about the relationship being very close to breaking up entirely, even if all you meant is that you need a little rest before you two can do things together again. Maybe best not to mention that you're not able to give more now as that is the threatening emotional information, just say that you are physically tired and need relaxation.
Just my suggestions. Good luck either way!
|
Thank you for your support and feedback. I wasn’t talking about the relationship when I was talking about sadness, but perhaps he interpreted it that way. I believe he was trying to give me a counseling session, and got annoyed because he didn’t think I was being a receptive pupil? He very clearly told me a couple times that I wasn’t doing anything about my feelings, and then he abruptly acted upset, stomped off while saying I think he “doesn’t understand why I would feel sad.”
Instead, I was feeling pestered by him making me repeat a list of things I was “doing for myself” to cure my sadness. And then acting annoyed with me because he thinks I’m not giving any EFFORT. He made sure to say it was effort I needed to give. Even though I said my solution was to relax and regenerate.
I guess he was afraid I would feel sad, at all. Hmm.
Then it must have been hard for him to think I could feel sad by my husband lacking basic compassion when he baited me into explaining my feelings to him. And for whose benefit?
This is why he wanted to point out that he is Not responsible for my feelings. That way he can act out emotionally however he wants, at the same time having no actual care about how I feel. I stopped believing he will care about how I feel a long time ago.