Today is Sunday. I'm still in the doldrums. This sure isn't an interesting story, but I think I'll keep posting here, so I have a record I can look at. Maybe I'll learn something from it. I was never one for keeping journals, and I don't know how to set up blogs. So I'll trace how this goes in this thread.

I'm tired of being alone. I'm starting to feel I don't matter to anyone. I get calls from family and from a few friends. I matter as much as I deserve to. When my boyfriend was alive, I meant so much to him. And he mattered so much to me. I never had children, but he did. He didn't matter to them as much as he did to me. I hardly ever mattered to them at all. Since I've been alone, my sisters have have been very caring. We're far apart though, geographically.

20 months since he died, I've gotten over the fresh, raw grief. Often. now, I smile thinking of him. But I miss him being here. I was doing so well up to and past Christmas. For the past few days I'm not okay at all. I keep crying.