Rant coming up, sorry guys.

I'm really, really struggling these past few weeks. Like I'm barely able to get through the days. Only just about functioning on a very low level.

Starting a new job in home office sucks. And I'm doing it for the second time now. Just when I'd sort of found my way in my last job, I'm starting all over again somewhere else. I'm not sure if it was the right move for me

And it hurts that I didn't get to have a proper goodbye from my previous job. It was just a message on teams. I feel like I don't have closure. I wish I'd suggested staying in touch with people. But I was too scared.

I was in a rough place back in 2019, when I was basically suffering from a bore out. I left my job but because of covid, I have made zero progress since then. I'm on my third job in 2 years. I haven't met any new people. I've lost all the "sort of friends" I had, the people I saw at gigs. Haven't seen any of them in 2 years.

And now I've really started doubting myself. Has the isolation worsened my social anxiety again - or was I just kidding myself that I had made any progress at all in the last 10 years? Does anyone care about me at all? Does anyone miss me who I haven't seen in 2 years? Is it just my own AvPD making life hard, would I be just as much of a failure if there was no pandemic?