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Originally Posted by Quietmind 2
Sure, I'm happy to answer questions.
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Thanks!, this was very informative. A couple more questions, if you don't mind. I might add more comments on my own experiences later as you got me thinking, too.
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Nope, I went to therapy because I needed to get my new (at that time) clinical anxiety under control as it was severely hampering my work performance. I had previously worked in jobs that didn't require a lot of interaction with people, but this new job was different.
So, I had no idea what I was getting into, or what I turned out to need.
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Ahh alright what I meant to ask was whether the therapy was therapy specifically adjusted to alexithymic people. Not that you went into therapy due to having alexithymia.
Are you able to clarify for me on this point? Was it standard schema therapy, or did they have access to methods for a version specifically adjusted for alexithymic people?
I am asking because what I've read is that there are a few kinds of people who are incompatible with standard therapies and alexithymia is a good example of that.
So just curious if these therapists were able to work you even if they had no previously working therapy methods or frameworks for alexithymic people and/or experience with alexithymia before.
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Crucially, she didn't see me as incompatible with therapy even when she realised I was incompatible with CBT. She recognised I needed a different kind of therapy and tried several approaches to see what might help. In no way did she blame or shame me, and she recognised her sense of helplessness and other feelings (eg, that there wasn't any connection due to my detachment) as information.
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I'm glad that you did not feel judged by being told all that about no connection or personality being sensed there.
Did she explain to you that she doesn't think you actually don't have a person but just that she is unable to reach it due to the detachment?
Also if you don't mind me asking, did she actually share with you that she felt helpless on the spot? Or just more like, share it with you later in retrospect when somehow relevant for a discussion?
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So she tried Schema Therapy, which is a relational therapy (there are others) because it conceptualized detachment as protective and necessary
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Yes. I mention the Detached Protector and Schema therapy right in my first post in this thread. I've been given Schema therapy too, was a disaster.
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I understand not understanding that. [emoji4] I didn't recognise what it was like until a long time after.
For me, it felt like I could talk about my issues and that I wouldn't be judged negatively like my past experiences. I had the sense that I was seen as a human being (although that was an utterly foreign concept to me), and not a project to be fixed.
I felt that my defenses were respected, and we talked as partners about those defenses. There was warm curiosity about why I had my defenses, which is different from cold curiosity. I would be invited to lower my defenses a little but it was always an invitation, and the rationale was explained.
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This is very interesting to me. I like your wording.
I've not often seen true warm curiosity from therapists, I've seen some try and do fake warmth though.
As far as emotional safety, I feel your description of it is part of being accepted & loved in a relationship.
Where I have had issues is getting to feel loved in close relationships, BTW. And I can't do a fake therapeutic relationship and transference for that, I've not the strong imagination for that.
Frankly, for me younger therapists have been better with real emotional interest, rather than fake it all with a competent therapist image.
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For example, emotional numbing means I don't feel any positive emotions. I spent my days and nights like a robot who just works.
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That sounds like anhedonia to me.
Did you mean that type of emotional numbing then?
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Possibly. She (current therapist) and my former therapist said to me that they thought all therapists should be like them, though.
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Why should all therapists be like them? Like, in what way? Mind clarifying a bit for me?
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I'd tell them about friends who had harmful therapists or my own experiences with a harmful therapist and they'd get quietly angry at those therapists.
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Frankly, yes, my overall opinion on the administration of therapies is that it's a mess. There is too much psychological power there that's not regulated properly. Very unethical in my mind.
Sure I am aware that a lot of people have still benefited from therapy, and that in some cases there may be naturally issues with getting benefit from standard therapies. Is why I made the thread.
Like you said, you got lucky. A lot of other people may have also got lucky and benefited from the therapy process but too many people have got unlucky. I still don't know if I am just in that category, myself.
Or if therapy just isn't for me. It's not supposed to be for everyone but again I don't know what that means ???
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Yup, exactly. My own experiences are like what you describe. More and more numbness.
I don't really know how I "thawed" just that my defenses were never torn down or dismantled, but invited to lower them a bit, and that I could shoot up my defenses when I needed to. For example, it was understood that I'd need my defenses due to the environment I was in at work and with my family etc. That it would be harmful if I left the therapy session feeling raw and exposed. So they ended sessions by helping me bring my defenses back up, although I don't remember how.
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I see. You mentioned you still have to go deeper in therapy. Why, if I can ask? Because of the DID?
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I wanted to function better at work, as my issues included poor interpersonal skills with colleagues.
Only later were my goals to have genuine friends. I had none, and no acquaintances, when I started therapy. I didn't think such a goal was possible because "who would want to be friends with me?"
Earlier in my post, I mentioned friends. That came later, as I needed help to recognise traits of the kind of people I wanted to have as friends. Such as non judgment.
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Ahh ok. For me the "goal" (unwilling to use that word anymore for relationships) would be having more quality, close relationships. I've had some close relationships, but just not quality enough and I did not ever feel loved enough.
I'm good with having acquaintances, buddies and loose friends but close relationships......it "worked" for a long time but then was a disaster in the end. As this stuff didn't really actually work.