Firstly, I'd say I don't think therapy is for everyone and I don't like how people are blamed for not finding therapy useful. I've seen that sometimes on this forum and I don't want to talk like therapy can help everyone and everything.

I'm not good at explaining why I think so. I think it's because maybe therapy is pushed a lot in some countries or cultures.

In my culture, a lot of people don't want therapy even if they can access it through public healthcare because they prefer clergy or talking to friends.

I got incredibly lucky, and there are also stuff therapy can't "fix", like systemic issues in society which affect many people's lives.

I think it was standard Schema Therapy foe Ex T, however, for my current T, she quickly realised it's not so simple as asking my Detached Protector to "step aside", and that I'm alexithymic... so I believe she modified it very heavily.

How heavily, I don't know. I've read the clinician books and they claim the hallmark of Schema Therapy is flexibility, so to her, it's "I'm just doing Schema Therapy."

I have to say that during times of high chronic stress, I do lose my ability to feel and name my emotions.

I think I also benefited from this book by Robert T Muller titled "trauma and the avoidant client".

I think these days we're not doing Schema Therapy since my DID become apparent. Some alters don't like the concept of being just "modes".

I honestly believe they either had some training or sought out training. And then gained experience. Not sure how to describe my gut feeling. Like, there might not be a therapy training workshop or book titled "working with alexithymic people", but there's literature out there these days.

Developing Emotional Skills and the Therapeutic Alliance in Clients with Alexithymia: Intervention Guidelines - FullText - Psychopathology 2021, Vol. 54, No. 6 - Karger Publishers

Ex T said she was unable to reach me due to my detachment yeah. Said it in the session, and it took me by surprise. She did make it clear that she understood it as a defence, and that she would like to connect in order to be a more effective therapist for me. I remember asking why would she want to connect, and how it would help our work be more effective.

Though I don't remember the answers although I too also asked current T a lot of those same questions.

Hmm, Ex T shared her feelings of helplessness later. On the spot, I did notice (as I'm hypervigilant), but thought it was frustration at me. Therefore I only asked later, when I myself felt frustrated with my progress.

With my current therapist, I'm working on asking "I feel like you're frustrated/angry/bored with me, are you?" quicker in the session itself. It's gone from several sessions before I voice something, to around 10 minutes.

I have a friend whose Schema Therapy was a disaster, and he doesn't do well with relational therapies.

I think one major problem was that the therapists were not respecting his detachment as a necessary defense. Or if they did, they were impatient with this forced "goal" and imposing their own agenda on him.

Ultimately they were trying to fit him into this box and for him to conform to Schema Therapy ideas, instead of adapting to who he is.
I've felt fake warmth, and true warm curiosity, yeah. I definitely accused my current T a lot (almost every session for a long time) about if she's faking care, faking interest, that I don't tolerate warmth because it's a trap.

In hindsight, (thanks to your words prompting self reflection) she titrated her warmth. She wasn't as warm in the beginning.

One thing current T would tell me is that there's no way she can BS clients with fake warmth. She would say she understands why people are guarded, and that she had to earn trust. Mistrust is not the fault of the client.

Oh yeah, I'd agree. I don't quite feel loved in close relationships except for a few very special people. Other friends, yes I value them and care, but there's a certain inner distance I hold, if that makes sense?

For transference in therapy, it helped me to work with it... because Current T does care and has proven that (though maybe other therapists might be horrified) but that's not for everyone.

I don't really know how to explain how I know its real, and it's different from my loved ones. Other than saying I don't think every therapist has that quality. On this forum, there's also been many threads on if therapists really care or does the care stop when the client can't pay anymore... which I definitely relate to.

Have had many debates with my therapist and currently I see her for free or a token amount due to major external mishaps I'm still recovering from.

I believe the ability to detect sincerity that you describe is something important and to be respected.

I'm not sure as I wasn't aware of that word.

For me, it's zero emotions. Not just positive feelings, but negative ones too. Simply nothing at all.

Feeling numb: Symptoms, causes, and treatment

Sure. They meant the stance of not blaming clients, being flexible to what the client needs, being open to feedback, and not pathologising defenses.

Yeah, I agree on the very skewed power dynamics. Which is why I'm staunchly of the view there's not enough regulation on therapists globally.

I should clarify, I apologise for being unclear.

I don't believe therapy is the solution/cure or whatever for all kinds of issues because therapy is very individual focused. Many problems aren't within the individual, and for those, I view therapy as supportive in nature if there's a good match.

Take depression for example, yes for some it's due to their thinking, but depression due to poverty or racism (for example) isn't going to resolve with just free or low cost therapy.

My therapy won't lift me out of my current state of being working poor, but it's a place I can go to get support when I'm feeling hopeless about my situation.

Where I can work on articulating my needs for later when I see my social worker, and work on self advocacy even in a dehumanising system.

And I believe some people don't benefit from therapy because not everyone wants to have 1 to 1 appointments with a stranger who can be like an authority figure.

Some benefit a lot more from peers having similar struggles and a more casual scenario like that of a Meetup group. It doesn't have to be "sit down in a circle and talk" style. I've enjoyed boardgames in a group when pandemic restrictions lifted somewhat in my country.

For me, I wanted therapy so I could learn to form and maintain friendships.

Yes, because of the DID.

I perhaps shouldn't have used the word goal, apologies. Yes, I mean quality friendships.

And to be clearer too, I'm not intending my posts to be saying I'm right and others are wrong.

I do believe I got very fortunate with therapy and that my work there also involves improving my interpersonal relationships, including close friends.

I do have acquaintances and casual friends as well, and maybe some will become closer, and some will be less close.

I guess I also work on identifying what attracts me to want to have a closer friendship among my acquaintances?

As emotional numbing, depression, some degree of alexithymia can affect matters, for sure.