Dear reader. Today I enjoyed for the first time. Just all this stress this week that was around me I wanted to enjoy. I did a long walk in the sunny January. My mom wanted to join me so she did. We were out in the countryside. All those meadows that now started to be more and more green due to the amount of sun and warmer climate we getting here now in Sweden.

This pressure from the chest did troubled me since Monday, but now I feel less and less from it. Having that much stress so my right chest (whole damn side) start to go in heavy pain, then your entire throat got squeezed and squeezed, that means you need to chill. A lot. I don’t know what I will except tomorrow when I return. I’m off duty every Wednesday since I’m only working 75%. And I don’t think I’ll manage to work 100% next month, especially since that episode from Monday’s. Stress kills, or it can kill. Plus that I have all fantastic pressure by my administrator. Plus Covid-19, plus planning, documentation and other administrative services that we need to provide. All this paperwork as if these 8-year-olds studying in a university - not primary school. Also, they don’t have important school-material such as colorpencils anymore. I feel so sad for my little students. So many times I told the responsible buyer to get some stuff…

Oh yes, on top all of this that happens at my work, I have also my bipolar to think about. My health. Oh, that thing. That thing that seems to be “high priority” by my school administrator as well only to be shot to pieces in some other context. Seems documentation is more important than someone’s health. And the “if you think it’s too much for you, perhaps you need to look for anther job”-argument. My boss will never know what bipolar is. It’s not important, since it’s diversity and bipolar is actually “common” these days. I guess some people will always look for errors. And if there aren’t any, they will create them for you. Empathy - that is the highest knowledge, something that these people unfortunately not have. Especially when you are for them nothing but a number.

Take care of yourself, dear reader. I’ll have faith in some people, even though if they will never have that for me.