Dear Ex T,
I watched Winterwatch tonight and felt close to you. Thinking of you. Imagining you sat on your sofa watching it. I imagine it's the kind of thing you would watch. I think we even talked about it a couple of times over the years.
I have been thinking of you less, which is a good thing I think, but you are still on my mind and in my feelings several times a day. I miss seeing your face (not that I often actually looked at it sadly) and holding your hand.
I truly hope that I will be able to see you again one day in the future. If only to drop your box back (which I am holding hostage until you find that piece of paper for me - not that I'm holding out any hope of that being any time soon, or you missing your box enough to want it back 🤣
. I kind of want to look at you now, through a different lens, if that makes any sense. I want to look in your eyes and I want you to see into my soul. Not something I would ever really have let you do before, but something that I wish now I could do.
Maybe it's knowing that we will never be exploring that secret part of me that allows me to feel that might be possible now. Knowing that things are very different now between us, that the 'relationship' has changed dramatically.
That said, I personally think that you are (in some crazy way) humouring me. Maybe that's the wrong word, but I think that you are being (rightly so probably) very cautious about it all. You are not engaging with me in what I would consider a 'normal' way. I'm ok with that, because when was anything about this relationship ever normal? It can't be. It can't be defined in 'normal' terms, and therefore surely that stands to reason that it, in itself, can't be normal.
We are just two messy human beings trying to find a way through life, through this, in th best way that we know how. Doing what we both feel is the right thing at the time. Hopefully those things align....
Take care K, I love you to the moon and back again, and I am often thinking of you in a way that I don't think you will ever truly understand.
Me