Hi Beth. I've been thinking how to start answering this. I'll just throw some things out there, if it's OK.

CBT is quite focused on Cognitive Restructuring. For this, a very useful tool is a Dysfunctional Thought Record (DTR). Lousy name, but truly one of my favorite tools.

DTR is helpful because it asks who/what/when/where/how/why. The technique is deeper, I find, than plain CBT.

First, do look at the article at Examples of cognitive restructuring for some examples. For a DTR, a google of that will produce many. Though it takes some practice, we CAN use looking at things in a different way to help ease stress. It takes a push from ourselves, but we're worth it!

I read the article...and came up with the same obstacle. I don't suffer with a lack of self-worth - for example, if my friend snaps at me I recognize that she's possibly having a rough day. I don't think, "She doesn't like me." The problem I have is more with anxieties, worries, many of them reality-based - which I think may be why I have some difficulty with CBT.

For example, my husband will turn 75 on Friday. Although he's in excellent health and maintains very healthy habits, I am becoming concerned. His family are all long-lived people, yet the years are counting down. Unless I die first, I will have to cope with losing him. Not only will I lose my best friend, but (cold reality) I will lose most of my financial support. Given a situation like this one, I believe that grief counseling (or preparing for grief) is more appropriate than CBT...affirmations, that type of thing. Yet my therapist keeps coming back to CBT (as does my pdoc).

Even my suggestion (the other day) that the cat you saw is managing well enough, and happy enough as it is. Truth is, a cat is an animal. A mountain lion is a type of cat that is not domesticated. Do you feel worried about a mountain lion being sad and incapable of caring for itself? I'm sure far less so. But really there's not a huge difference. Both struggle in nature a bit. That's reality, as it is for a deer. As a New Jerseyan, I saw dead deer along the road most weeks/days. I had a choice. Lament and cry at the sight of each? Or realize a certain reality of the situation. Not that I was happy about it, but I spared myself perpetual grief. Cats are actually less likely to get hit by a car than a deer. They're pretty savvy. If it hurts to see the cat, don't look for it. Yes, this tactic isn't good for everything, but for some things it is.

I have been working with what you suggested all week. Your words are very meaningful to me. The times when I start to worry about the dumpster cat is when I'm in bed with my kitties around me, warm and safe, and loved. Well-fed. Then I think of that poor cat, alone, cold, and probably hungry. Living in a cement niche by a dumpster (at least the cat is protected from the weather). My heart breaks for it, especially if someone dumped it.


I've seen too many dead deer, too...I think the idea of the domestic cat possibly having had a home, and now being homeless, is what frightens and saddens me.


I definitely won't look for the cat. There's only one narrow entrance into the parking lot of the clinic and there's the dumpster place, just to the right. So I won't turn to look to the right. When leaving the lot, however, I have to drive exactly facing that darn dumpster. I wish I could close my eyes and drive at the same time.


Situation visualization and planning is another tool I use with success. If I know some future situation will be anxiety-provoking, I view it in my head ahead of time in a successful light. "If he says this, I'll just breathe in, count to 3, and say or do that (rather than getting mad/upset)." Or figure other things I can do to prepare that help minimize anxiety. You, yourself, suggested such a thing by planning to ask for the uncomfortable light in the room to be adjusted. I am 98% sure that when you bring it up, a positive response will be taken. I fully understand the effects of light on mood. I've even written about it in the past.

Yes, thank you. Situation planning is wise - and breathing practice is probably the smartest thing a human being can do.

Breathing techniques are ones I struggled with and even cursed, initially. But I eventually found value in them. Some coping tools are not "right" at some points, but are better at others.

That's true. Very.


I first learned about breathing techniques when I was 17 and went to a "rap group" (as they were called back then, haha). I've used breathing practice ever since.

Grounding techniques are very helpful. So are some DBT ones. Mindfulness is something I didn't fully comprehend, in the beginning. Now it's crystal clear. Every day I pick some positive things to focus on to push away/aside negatives. No need for the bad to have real estate in my mind. I try not to lament "wish I hads, should have dones, could have beens". Simple pleasures, in the scheme of things, are also more valuable than the few big ones in life.

Yes.

I am pretty sure that mindfulness takes years of practice for most people. Especially those of us in the western world.

Bipolar medications are crucial for me, but I swear they would only have a small bit of value, if I didn't take control of my thinking. Finding and maintaining this balance is crucial to my stability and happiness.

That is really interesting, Soupe! I feel that if my meds aren't "right" I can't practice most of the techniques we're discussing.

Perfection? Not possible! Easy? Not always, and that's OK! Struggle? Sucks, but it will ease. We're all human.

Ah, yes.....

You and I are dancers, my friend, even if we don't wear toe shoes anymore. It's a beautiful thing to be. It's a form of communication. Whatever we can get out that gives relief. Many forms of communication can give psychological relief | My Journeys Beyond Bipolar Disorder

It's interesting (enlightening?) to think of our coping skills as ways of communicating with ourselves. Somehow that just sunk in for me. I mean, I 'knew' it - but it hadn't really sunk into my mind/body/spirit until just now.

I want to thank you again. Thank you for the time and energy you took to write your post for me. I feel like I've just had a very productive therapy session!

(Ah...dancing...how I miss it! sometimes I cry over missing it!)

T