Miss Laura. You are wanted here. I never meant otherwise. I just don't understand what else I'd say to you about staying or not staying on meds. People with bipolar disorder DO generally need meds. People with bipolar disorder do have a tendency to question their diagnosis. It's all true. You know that I've supported you extensively here. My main worry for you is that you need to work on the grieving process. I'd strongly suggest you not jump into anything rash (like quitting meds) at this juncture.

My first psychiatric hospitalization happened about 6 months after my mother died young of cancer. Quite unexpectedly, like your mother died. That set off a string of 10 psych hospitalizations for me in a period of 4 years. Some of those hospitalizations were because I tried quitting meds again and again. They turned out traumatic. I did not process the grief properly for a long time. Don't you know that I would want to SPARE you such a period of trauma? Almost my entire 30s was a horrible period. I wish I had that back! I wish I had my mother back, but that's not going to happen. I had to work on that acceptance and growing strong again after such a loss. Weakening myself by quitting meds and irrational behavior (i.e. drinking) exacerbated the situation. This is the truth of the matter.

Sorry that I don't find pleasure in arguments that go in circles, like a dog chasing its own tail. This will be the end of what I say here.