Hey L. I decidedly do not want to work today. I got the bare minimum that I require of myself done before going on break a few minutes ago. This month sucks monkey.... well you know the rest. Mostly it's because I'm starting to feel angry with you for basically dismissing my feelings that day. Yes I know that I need to get over it already.There's other things irking me about our last session as well. Maybe I've moved into the anger stage of grief (grief at the loss of a relationship that was precious to me). I understand that grief is not a linear thing, etc. But I still haven't really cried. I've felt sad, but continue to tell myself that it doesn't have to be sad, I kind of believe that after all, since I was the one that left and it just felt right. The only time I cried was that day in my car that I told you about, when I started letting go of fantasy-you.

I need to schedule some days off after this idiotic month is over and go spend a couple of days out in the desert. My soul needs that badly.

I just got the email from x about the zoom drum circle tonight but see it's the advanced one, so I won't be attending as I haven't taken those workshops yet. So that means next week will be the regular one and I'll be attending. I still don't know how I'll feel if I see you on there.

And that is because I still feel like there's something unfinished here. I just don't know what it is yet.