Quote:
Originally Posted by Cardooney
I think this interaction right after counseling sums up something about our dynamic:
Him: I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you how you needed after you came out of the hospital.
Me: thank you for that. You asked me how I was, but then made it about you. (I prob didn’t need to say this, but it was the last thing I wanted to say and hadn’t).
Him: that’s just your opinion
Me: at some point my opinion/how I feel will need to matter to you
Him: you’re saying I don’t care how you feel, and that’s wrong
Me: I’m saying when I tell you my perception, feelings, and all you say is it’s my opinion, it kinda speaks for itself (he has said this opinion thing to me before)
Him: silence and goes outside to smoke
It’s progress I think? Especially since he did apologize, which is a big deal for him
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Yes, him apologising is great. Sounds like the counselling session helped with that. As for the rest of the convo, what I would try instead is, just appreciate him having apologised, express that appreciation (which you already did), and give him something concrete that he can do to be able to be there for you in a better way in future.
As a summary, what I think is: If most of your convos are like that, then no wonder that it won't lead anywhere, as he won't be able to magically become emotionally mature and emotionally giving to you and take care of your - otherwise understandable - resentment while also trying to deal with the addiction, the new job, and all expectations at once.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cardooney
Yes, it is invalidating to me. He’s said it often when I express something. I believe he wants to control what I think of his behavior rather than caring about how his behavior and reactions affect me. And It’s easier and safer for him to be dismissive of me and hope I’ll drop any issue.
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Yes it was dismissive of your thoughts, though to me it does not seem like he wanted to force you into thinking something else specifically.
Overall, to me it came off as, when he's not overburdened, he cares about how he affects you but he needs to focus on concrete actions, problem solving to be able to do it in practice.