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Originally Posted by Quietmind 2
Firstly, I'd say I don't think therapy is for everyone and I don't like how people are blamed for not finding therapy useful. I've seen that sometimes on this forum and I don't want to talk like therapy can help everyone and everything.
I'm not good at explaining why I think so. I think it's because maybe therapy is pushed a lot in some countries or cultures.
In my culture, a lot of people don't want therapy even if they can access it through public healthcare because they prefer clergy or talking to friends.
I got incredibly lucky, and there are also stuff therapy can't "fix", like systemic issues in society which affect many people's lives.
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Thank you, that was actually a summary that I found helpful for myself. And yes I agree that people should not be blamed for not finding therapy helpful.
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I think it was standard Schema Therapy foe Ex T, however, for my current T, she quickly realised it's not so simple as asking my Detached Protector to "step aside", and that I'm alexithymic... so I believe she modified it very heavily.
How heavily, I don't know. I've read the clinician books and they claim the hallmark of Schema Therapy is flexibility, so to her, it's "I'm just doing Schema Therapy."
I have to say that during times of high chronic stress, I do lose my ability to feel and name my emotions.
I think I also benefited from this book by Robert T Muller titled "trauma and the avoidant client".
I think these days we're not doing Schema Therapy since my DID become apparent. Some alters don't like the concept of being just "modes".
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Thanks much for the book tip too. I downloaded it and while written by a clearly competent therapist, it convinced me that I will never try therapy again. It's simply not for me. The way it describes how much drama can be ongoing in therapy, because of countertransference, the way it describes so-called premature termination reasons and so on, all that drama is just.... not something I will be exposing myself to in future. I've had enough of it in therapy previously. I'm not the person that wants to get engaged in bad drama that plain goes nowhere, especially if I'm trying to open up to someone about my most sensitive emotional issues.
So, for me the equation is just as simple as that. Thank you just once more for providing me such a great resource on this topic.
That also sounds like a decent article. I found it quite interesting and possibly useful how it listed alternatives to therapy (I know the article was about alexithymic people specifically but I just like to hear about any alternatives to therapy).
What I also liked in it was the honesty - it mentions that some of the things are still just theory and have never been actually tried on alexithymic people. Which is in line with my other observations: therapies do rely on theory too much for my liking, as in, my personal preference. And that adds to my equation and calculations above:
Random drama played out on my most sensitive emotions + unproven theory and mental experimentation = no therapy for me.
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Ex T said she was unable to reach me due to my detachment yeah. Said it in the session, and it took me by surprise. She did make it clear that she understood it as a defence, and that she would like to connect in order to be a more effective therapist for me. I remember asking why would she want to connect, and how it would help our work be more effective.
Though I don't remember the answers although I too also asked current T a lot of those same questions.
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Oh, yes. Often the therapy process itself is pretty much about the emotional connection, some therapies (such as EFT) even work on the emotions themselves. Or in other words, much of the therapy material is emotions themselves in these cases.
Of course, CBT and related therapies will only work on emotions in the indirect way.
(Will admit, I don't see why for CBT a therapist would need to feel a connection with the client. Other than simply paying attention and using cognitive empathy.)
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Hmm, Ex T shared her feelings of helplessness later. On the spot, I did notice (as I'm hypervigilant), but thought it was frustration at me. Therefore I only asked later, when I myself felt frustrated with my progress.
With my current therapist, I'm working on asking "I feel like you're frustrated/angry/bored with me, are you?" quicker in the session itself. It's gone from several sessions before I voice something, to around 10 minutes.
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I find that very interesting. Would like to say more on it later if I can. For now, I'll just quickly add, so it sounds like your emotional awareness is increasing, which is a good thing.
I asked about when your Ex T shared her feelings because I think if she had done it on the spot, it would not have been professional. Just my personal opinion and gut feeling, tho. So yeah, that sounds fine to me.
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For transference in therapy, it helped me to work with it... because Current T does care and has proven that (though maybe other therapists might be horrified) but that's not for everyone.
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Could you say more on how T proved he/she cares?
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I don't really know how to explain how I know its real, and it's different from my loved ones. Other than saying I don't think every therapist has that quality. On this forum, there's also been many threads on if therapists really care or does the care stop when the client can't pay anymore... which I definitely relate to.
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This is a very interesting topic. How is it different from the care you feel from your loved ones?
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I'm not sure as I wasn't aware of that word.
For me, it's zero emotions. Not just positive feelings, but negative ones too. Simply nothing at all.
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Ahh ok, then yeah that's complete emotional disconnection/numbness, both for positive and negative feelings. Anhedonia refers to lack of positive emotions/pleasure. Ie. the numbing of those.
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Yeah, I agree on the very skewed power dynamics. Which is why I'm staunchly of the view there's not enough regulation on therapists globally.
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Interested in my little vision for how to do regulation?
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I don't believe therapy is the solution/cure or whatever for all kinds of issues because therapy is very individual focused. Many problems aren't within the individual, and for those, I view therapy as supportive in nature if there's a good match.
Take depression for example, yes for some it's due to their thinking, but depression due to poverty or racism (for example) isn't going to resolve with just free or low cost therapy.
My therapy won't lift me out of my current state of being working poor, but it's a place I can go to get support when I'm feeling hopeless about my situation.
Where I can work on articulating my needs for later when I see my social worker, and work on self advocacy even in a dehumanising system.
And I believe some people don't benefit from therapy because not everyone wants to have 1 to 1 appointments with a stranger who can be like an authority figure.
Some benefit a lot more from peers having similar struggles and a more casual scenario like that of a Meetup group. It doesn't have to be "sit down in a circle and talk" style. I've enjoyed boardgames in a group when pandemic restrictions lifted somewhat in my country.
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Yes, thank you again, more of a great summary there, including alternatives to one-on-one therapy.
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For me, I wanted therapy so I could learn to form and maintain friendships.
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I think I originally went in because I saw I had some psychological symptoms, I wanted change, I wanted to not see the future as hopeless. My interest in making my relationships more quality and to be able to receive emotional connection better only came after some of the psychoeducation was already ongoing for me, as I was not going to realise that kind of issue until then.
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I perhaps shouldn't have used the word goal, apologies. Yes, I mean quality friendships.
And to be clearer too, I'm not intending my posts to be saying I'm right and others are wrong.
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Don't worry. No need to apologise for anything at all
I'm not the kind of person that easily gets offended or anything like that.
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I do believe I got very fortunate with therapy and that my work there also involves improving my interpersonal relationships, including close friends.
I do have acquaintances and casual friends as well, and maybe some will become closer, and some will be less close.
I guess I also work on identifying what attracts me to want to have a closer friendship among my acquaintances?
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Oh yeah I'd still like to do all that myself. Really interesting stuff about understanding and emotionally experiencing all that, a conscious understanding about attraction and emotional needs and then expressing those and so on.
But I do not believe one-on-one therapy would help me do any of that. Seems like more harmful than helpful for me. The equation I made above is loud and clear to me. So, I guess, I'm not one of those people therapy is for.
PS. I will want to go back to some of the things you've said here, and some things I wanted to say earlier, but it's getting late here right now. May need 1-2 more days before I can put it together properly.