I'm getting really frustrated with my visteriel and the hunger and weight gain side effect. I took an old ativan just now because I was about ready to call my doctor and expain things. I'll just toss out the visteril once my mom leaves. I put on about 7 pounds since Monday and I feel like I look horribe. I can't be on it until the 11th when I can get my valium refilled. I just can't.

I tried a decaf coffee from Starbucks today. It did not taste good and gave both my mom and I stomach aches. The weather is snowy and gloomy but I still do not feel as bad as I did last year. My birthday is next Friday and this time last year was awful. But I do feel better physically finally. I notice a diffrence in how my lungs feel.

I just took out my SAD lamp. I have not used it in a few years but I thought it might help. Its a pretty big one I got from a garage sale for $5

The lightbox seems to be starting to give me a migraine. Which is probably why I have not used it in a few years.

Edit: I threw out the vistereil. I tossed the pills out of the bottle so I couldnt get them out again. I'll just manage with the 2 valium and if I really need it, an ativan. That coffee though is giving me heartburn but I'm not really hungry currently. I don't know how bad combining valium with ativan is but it is not sedating and it does not make me hungry. It just gets my anxiety back to where it was 2 weeks or so ago. When things were normal with my mental and physical health.

My mom and my brother are eating at Sams Club and I wish they wouldnt. I always found that place to be dirty even as a kid. My mom doesnt seem to be taking into concern my current health issues.

I also don't understand how my massivly overweight brothers health and bloodwork is fine and he doesnt have anything to worry about while I am at a semi normal weight and my health and bloodwork sucks. He is over 2 years older then me too.

I took the second valium and my 20mil geodon just now. I feel kind of blah. Although its tough to tell what its from. My mom did some grocery shopping for me and got a few things.