2020 was one of the best years (Even though I had 30-40 1+ hour long lasting dissociative panic attacks and was hospitalized after it) - Cuz I'd take extra stim, stay up all night looking at the stars, walking into town at 6am to buy coffee and watch the sun rise, junk food, listening to podcasts, music, terence mckenna, alan watts, very interesting thoughts + I just felt really good because I wasn't on olanzepine. It felt like I was on acid every day.

It was an enlightenment period. I wonder if I'll ever be like that again. It was also horrible - I've never felt such pain.. But it was OK. I seemed to have some sort of DP/DR psychosis - But very profound experiences.

There was such nonsense happening because my mom was being self destructive from PTSD (Her ex, life, etc). I talked to many strange people. It was traumatizing for me mostly.

I don't remember much. At this point, I am stable because I understand life more idk