I think you are blurring the lines between behavior that is caused by mental illness, and behavior that is abusive. Abusive behavior is typically a deliberate means of wearing down the other's sense of self, self-esteem and self worth through repeated acts of disrespect, disregard, dismissiveness and put downs. Mental illness does not cause such behavior. Abusive traits do. And your partner has abusive traits. If he is not bi-polar and has cptsd and depression, that will certainly not reflect itself or manifest as abusive behaviors. Nor will bi-polar. Abuse is abuse. Abusers disregard, deflect and disrespect, and they are not held accountable. And your partner is abusive.