@Cardooney, one thing to realize as you are taking a step back -- you have taken on ALL of his problems and behaviors as your own problems to solve and fix, as though there is no separation between the two of you, as there should be within a healthy relationship dynamic. Within a healthy relationship dynamic, each person is 100% responsible for their own happiness, personal well being, health, and life. But in your relationship, that does not exist. He is the child and you are the caretaker/mother helping him.

You've got to realize and know how unhealthy that is - it's a part of being codependent - have you heard of codependency before? It means sacrificing yourself, your mental health and well being to save and fix another person's problems. It's basically total enmeshment in the other person, which is not healthy.

But when you continue to play into the toxic dance that toxic people create, and when you continue to participate in the drama, you yourself become unhealthy. Both people are then enmeshed in the toxic dance and drama - constantly.

To be healthy is to separate yourself from him and to see him as an adult who needs to take care of his own problems himself. Sure, you can be a cheerleader and a support person, but they are not your problems to fix, or even to tolerate.