I can definitely relate. Depression is so awful. It is such a brutal, brutal illness. There really is no adequate vocabulary to describe it and only the people crushed by it can give a true voice to its devastation. You have a gift for that. I wish I could put things as well as you do. I'm so sorry you are in the depression you describe so poignantly. Your words bring back vivid memories of when I was hospitalized for depression. My heart goes out to you!