My second valium is still working although I'll need the 3rd one in a bit. I feel super fat like I am retaining water and my pants are not fitting right. I took some pictures and I look huge compared to 2 days ago at the same weight. So I'm not sure what is up. When I first got kidney issues in 2014 while being taken off my lithium my primary was being a real asshole about allowing me to see a kidney doctor and at one point she called my house and wanted me to see her the day of the appointment before I saw him. I'm not sure why. Then she ended up cancelling that appointment and just allowing me to see him. But at one appointment I voiced my concerns about water rentention and she told me I was just fat. Yeah you really get stuck with the quacks when you are on medicaid. And everything was just based off bloodwork. She never sent me over for Xrays or CT scans the way my non medicaid doctors do now. If the bloodwork was ok and sometimes it wasnt and she wouldnt tell me, then it was just my anxiety according to her.

Now my non medcaid primarys are like you need to see a kidney doctor for sure. What is going on is not normal.

I'm not sure why but my meds seem to have gone straight through me including the 3rd valium and my tylenol. I'm not sure how that is even possible. I drank a pitcher of iced tea but it was decaf.

Basically right now I just feel kinda blah and anxious and I had to put on my stretchy gym shorts on because my pants were digging into me. I'm just trying to relax. I want to eat some soup for dinner despite the sodium.

Edit: I took another tylenol. I think I'm handling those ok I've had 3 today. I also took my 20mil geodon. I feel decent right now. Although my head still hurts mainly behind my eyes and every time I blink the room spins. But overall my anxiety is better then it was 45 minutes ago and the anxiety is what I can't handle. I can handle massive headaches and vertigo. But even the slightest bit of anxiety drives me off the edge into a panic and I just cant handle that.

I feel like stabbing myself in the forehead with a fork to release the little bugs that are in my in brain that are causing so much pain. That really did happen to some kid a couple decades ago. Check Snopes. I know parasites in your brain can happen with undercooked pork but I don't even remember the last time I ate pork.