So I was at work.. And people were talking casually. I wanted to say things but it felt the same as when I was as a teenager. I felt anxious.

I still feel paranoid about the vaccine. The spots all over my body don't seem to be going away. I procrastinated the first shot and then didn't want to take the second but the bloody government phoned me and told me to get it - So I did. I'm definitely not getting the third or more. I was tricked.

This whole world is ****ed - And I'm in too much fear to at least enjoy my life during the end times. A coworker was talking to someone as I walked out the door about the situation in Canada and she said "Yeah now a bunch of people are awakening to the corruption". I just have to accept my decision.

Anyways, I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. I am dependent on a very low dose of phenibut. I wish I could do MDMA assisted psychotherapy or something. I don't know what to do. I need to write a book or something about my past and what happened. I'm so confused. My decision making is too fixed now to buy any drugs. All I'm basically doing is waiting to die it seems.

I'm going to tell my mom about all of this. I took extra phenibut which should kick in soon. It's extremely difficult. I don't know how most people can think spiritually and I needed psilocybin to be normal. And no one knows what is real - It's all nonsense. I went on Twitter and I think, "Why are people wasting their time trying to be RIGHT?".

I feel like we're too lost to save at this point. I knew this in 2012. That's why I gave up - Everything was chaos. My parents and ex step dad are insane. I grew up in nonsense, I will die in nonsense and my afterlife will also be nonsense.