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CANDC · Jan 30, 2022, 03:13 PM

@UnfulfilledMind welcome to MSF My Support Forums. It is sad to hear about relationships that just change in a way that we can never imagine happening when they are alive and vital.

I come from a family that sticks it out through difficult times so I am not sure if what I say would apply to you. I am not advocating staying if one is experiencing abuse. No one should have to go through that. What is abuse is difficult to define, but here is one definition that came up on Google

Quote:

To hurt or injure by maltreatment;

If I am in a relationship that has lost its spark, I ask myself what is best for everyone in the family including the partner. Maybe they are more like a roommate giving lip service to love. But even refraining from harming each other is a form of love and compassion. I do not think any relationship keeps that same spark going for a long time. As I get older and confront different challenges, the chances of having the kind of romantic relationship I had when I was younger are very slim.

So for me I have had to make a mid course correction. The empty nest makes my role different. I have more time to devote to other things and I can pursue dreams I have had for a long time. But do I really want to uproot a relationship that took so long to create? Do I really want to have that nagging feeling that I brought on suffering to the other person that has come to depend on the relationship for support? These are difficult questions to answer and the answers are not black and white or simple.

For me the question became a new one. What can I do to make my life meaningful in the situation I am in? Maybe I would give this piece of advice: consider all your options.

Do a notebook or use a Google Sheet or Doc to create a series of options and their consequences for
1) You
2) Your Kids
3) Your partner
4) The world I live in

Every choice we make affects multiple people and every choice we make has consequences in our current life and our future life. I am trying to live by the principal of "do no harm." So for me this is the way I would frame the question:

Quote:

What can I do in the situation I am in without hurting other members of my family and still giving my life a purpose and meaning?